remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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