Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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