You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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