thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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