I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
