I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
