omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
