my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
operation harelip BJ is a go
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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