I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
