no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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