I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
