I looked at my own cervix.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
