There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
