I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
