No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
