Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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