I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
