dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
