Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
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