i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
