We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
