Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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