My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
