who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
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Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
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I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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