so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
