just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
