I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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