i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
