Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize