this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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