Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
