she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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