I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
