I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
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Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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