im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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