You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
