your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
