Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
fuck your aforementioned shoe
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
