If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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