i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
