how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
