can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
