This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
