So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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