I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i was born a porn star she said
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
