the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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