So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
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Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
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So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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