i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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