once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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