the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
