I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
