i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
