Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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