is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
