I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
