just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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