The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
