Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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