My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
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Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
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I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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