awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
