I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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