woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
