worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
