Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
