doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
did you just send me my own nude
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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