The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
