Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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