Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
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I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
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I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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