I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
