She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
