Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize